Recap since the year is ending.

Hello everyone,


I just realized that I did not update my blog post since Chinese New Year, so now I will fill you up with a few highlights.

Blogging
As for now, I 'm still blogging occasionally on my commercial blog (myheartots.wordpress.com), I'm more active in blogging last year. I need to pick up soon. This many months have been a downward slope for my activity on my commercial blog.


Sunday School & Church
A little more active this year, because of the passing of Aunty Kimlee last year, the youths and young adults have came together to serve the church. Church had seen the needs to allow younger people to take over the ministry. In order to train younger people to be future leaders of the church.

Spiritual milestone- I managed to speak to the youth 1st of Oct about how to cope with stress. This was my 1st time doing it, and it was smooth, thanks be to God.


Xiamen, China Trip (19th- 28th March 2017)

My 1st ever trip to China. I was truly blessed with an opportunity to go to China that was fully sponsored by my uncle from Singapore. Had a great time with my mum's family there for 10 days. Visited a few tourist sites but in the rush state, due to time.


Albert Proposed!! (April 22, 2017)

I said yes!!! Albert and I got engaged on the April 22nd, during our couple photoshoot ( by my sister Samantha ) in Happiness Home 2. April marked our 2 years of courtship together and I'm thanking God for us every day.


Studies

I felt that I haven't been completing assignments quickly, as the business at work is good beginning of the year until recently. Probably due to the GE that will be coming. Many people wants to apply for their loans and receive money support from the government. Hence, time at work is used for only crocheting my items to sell online (only when I'm free)


A death of a childhood friend (May 2017)

A childhood friend passed away due to suicide. I was heart-sore to find out about it. Stress is so scary nowadays. May 2017.


A godson (July 2017)

God blessed Albert and I with a godson (Little I) that would be our ringbearer for my wedding. He is a very cute and clever boy. We all love him to bits. Currently many of the kids I know, sings the song baby shark, and our godson sings that song too.

Kuantan sleepover - 1st trip for sleepover ( Aug 2017)

Slept in cousin Vendi house. Went to the turtle sanctuary, bringing little I there with us. Went to meet up with Albert's Bestman as well. Suprised to see Aunty hionglan in Albert's former church. Great to see Little I, so cheerful and clever (speak so well). A very warm welcome from Little I. Love the time spent with our little godson that is growing so much each day. 

A run together with Albert- 1st event run together (24th Sept 2017)

read more here, I blog about it in the commercial blog. 


A mission trip to Mukah, Sarawak - 1st mission trip together (18-22 Oct 2017)

our very 1st flight together.

Feelings & Reflection

This is my very 1st mission trip outside peninsular, yes I was very excited to see the long houses at the same time I'm also very nervous to speak in public and to share my testimony of faith. I did it anyway with God's help. I survived but in some occasions I felt as if , others are doing the work for me when I have already prepared them properly.

There was one night in Beruan when I felt very much unused, I questioned the whole thing, why did I prepare so hard and did nothing. My song lead and ice breaker were taken over by another. I told the fiance about how I felt and then the fiance and I have a good chat and I felt very much lifted going "paktor" with him at night and in the morning. I have conflicting thoughts, was I ever good enough? This experience had humbled me even more.

Testimony was a good step for me to stand up and share it with the people there, I tried my best to project my voice. The fiance told me that my singing was a little too soft to listen. ( need to bear with the no mic area).

Skit helps me to bold myself to also project my voice louder and have more confidence to speak in Iban language. ( 1st few skit, I didn't get to project my voice loud enough).

Looking at the children at the long houses warms my heart with their simplicity and willingness to learn.

There are 12 of us in our teams, coming from different churches but worshiping and honoring the same God. To go through everything together as a team was God's blessing. I believe God was in our midst to be accommodating with one another, serve together as a team and being forgiving to each other's flaws and weaknesses.

Experience of having to shower with a sarong, with an open aired toilet, was out of my comfort zone, but I was determine and I took the courage to shower there with Julia's tips.


 Conclusion

After writing down things, I realized that this year is a year of many 1st times that we did together finally as a couple, after being together for 2 years. I'm thankful for all the blessings God has showered upon us. I'm looking forward to the many more journey and paths that God has installed for us. Individually I have many 1st times as well this year. Preparing for my wedding is one of my 1st time (laughs).




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

January (Monthly Reflection)

Did I managed to work on any from the list of my resolutions?

1) Help mum in kitchen more often.(once a week)

I haven't started doing that but at least I did help mum during CNY with the dishes and also when I went back to gramps. Thats something that I feel content that I make time to do it. 

2) Have a book on recipe that I have tried cooking. 

No book yet so far. As I haven't really put my hands into cooking. 

3) Learn up Malay/ Iban

Learnt Iban like for almost 2 weeks and then later did not continue until after CNY. I'm still procastinating. I should get back to reading Bup Kudus. 

4) Read up Finance Book & Learn to manage finance well.

Yet to read the book on finance yet.

5) Do all the classes by MBTS this year.

Classes havent started yet, it will start next week ( Feb 18th 2017)

6) Set time priorities only for Sunday School, ibridge camp and then mission trip 2017.

I heard that ibridge will be during raya time, so I will not be able to go for ibridge camp this year or help them. The mission trip will be in the month of Oct 18th- 22nd. So need to start working on my Iban language and Malay language. 

Yes I did manage to set priorities for Sunday School this year. I will be chairing songs for the Sunday School this year. 

7) Sports every week twice. (try not to spend on sports, jogging or badminton can take care of finance)

I only manage to do 1 time for January and that was only awhile as we woke up late. 

8) Make time for family, Albert Khor and family; and God (monthly quiet retreat with God). (once a week chitchat)

I didn't manage to chit chat with Albert on the phone at least once a week for the allocated time to listen and to pray together, I didn't manage to make time to retreat with God as well. Maybe I should start waking up early in the morning to do it with God. (feeling sorry about it).

9) Write articles every 2 days. (improve on writing)

No, i did not get to write 2 articles everyday, it has been busy in the shop, at home and in church. I need to really sit down and make time to write.

10) Complete at least Old Testament this year! (hello it is already year 2017!)

I will be changing this resolution to following and keeping up to date with the bible app that I have on the phone. I'm in day 34 of the bible app for 365 days.  

I'm thankful that God has bring me this far. I'm doing well lately after an episode of gloominess due to my body. 2 weeks before Chinese New Year, rushing into Dr. appointments, clinics and writtings. I'm thankful I'm feeling so much better now. Thanks for my bf for his support during this gloominess and being strong for me. He is really my hero in this matter. =) Financially supporting me as well. Thanks dear.  


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

So did it manage to do what I wanted to do in Year 2016?

The end of Year 2016, this was what I wrote in the beginning of this year. Before I embark to write down my goals for next year, maybe I should look through what I have done and completed this year.

Goals for 2016

1) Get to know boyfriend's family better and understand them.

I managed to meet them more often this year than last year, celebrated Christmas with them for the 1st time, I'm glad to be able to feel accepted as a friend and part of their lives. Although I still have much to learn about them, I have a lifetime. ( I hope I can be teachable). I feel that sometimes I try very hard to come out with a topic to talk about, but I guess as I get to know them better, I will not feel too obliged. 

2) To help mum in the kitchen more often. (example: CNY) - steal recipes as well.

I did help in the kitchen during CNY but after that I didn't managed to do it. (shame on me), maybe I should look at my goals every month to review and evaluate what I have done. 

3) Cook a whole meal at least once a month. (i hope)

This item, I did not do for the whole year! I managed only to cook soup, chicken and vegetables.  ( that is considered whole meal for me this year) at least I play around with the ingredients in the wok and the pot.

4) To make a difference in 1 or 2 people this year.

I can't recall if I made any difference to anyone this year. I hope I did, I do not have any particular of people that I feel I have made a difference. At least I know, I did not try to help a lot. 

5) To learn up Malay Language.

hahahahah this is funny, many years overdue for this, should I actually give this up?

6) To manage finance and read up the finance book.

I did not complete reading the book! I should make this as my year 2017 goal then, and then return it back to Aunty Kimpin, since it belongs to Aunty Kimlee. 

7) try to learn more and practice counselling God willing.

I did managed to practice counselling among some of my friends (p & c) though. 

8) to be sporty. (badminton or jog)

Heys I managed to complete my 25km jog/walk, ginger bread virtual run in December 2016. Clap hands for myself. Maybe I should proceed this so that I can continue to take care of my mental health and health through it. 

Goals for 2017

1) Help mum in kitchen more often.(once a week)

2) Have a book on recipe that I have tried cooking. 

3) Learn up Malay/ Iban

4) Read up Finance Book & Learn to manage finance well.

5) Do all the classes by MBTS this year.

6) Set time priorities only for Sunday School, ibridge camp and then mission trip 2017.

7) Sports every week twice. (try not to spend on sports, jogging or badminton can take care of finance)

8) Make time for family, Albert Khor and family; and God (monthly quiet retreat with God). (once a week chitchat)

9) Write articles every 2 days. (improve on writing)

10) Complete at least Old Testament this year! (hello it is already year 2017!)

Excited for year 2017 to unfold itself. I'm thankful for all the sadness, pain, happiness, learning experience that God have given to me in year 2016. May I learn to be more mature each day and be more in order in life. Leave everything to my Father in Heaven. 

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Retreat in Kota Tinggi Johor.

I have been very involve in my article writtings and also blogging lately in my commercial blog. I haven't have much chance to reflect and rest. I'm thankful that our Sis2Sis commitee did managed to go for a short get together and learn to communicate with God through silence.

Although the place is not as what I expected it to be. It was rather run down and not nicely mantained. Who knows maybe God wants us to just focus on communicating with him and not rely on any other activities.

I felt encouraged with this two words God gave during the night reflection and silence. 1) do not be a afraid and 2) be comforted.As it has been a few incident that cost me worries recently. The very recent one is the people that I work with in the writing place. There were some misunderstandings. There are many other pressures in life as well. But after I read the book "Being Truely Human by Mark Mah", it helped me think through and also know that sometimes I needed to just silent down and slow down my life, get close to God and walk through the desert, to see my real voice in all the important things.

Being in the desert can help someone to be his or herself. I do not need to think about how others view me about how I carry myself or how I decide on things. Also need not let things consume my life. Know what is the center of my life. I need God to be the center.  

Recently, I also realized that I came into a reading spree instead of a writting spree. I'm thankful that I get to make time to read a lot more than other times. I'm excited that I will be going for the BBW (Big Bad Wolf) Sales this year. May go get some stocks or maybe just for personal reading. Need to do a lot of budgetting for books, since I'm going to read a lot soon.

I also plan to do news readings from CNN or Star paper to keep updated with day to day news and also global news. Japan was hit by another earthquake today, Tom and Tara were the 1st ones who told me this morning about it. I hope everyone is alright now after the incident.



Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

28th Aug 2016 throwback =)

I felt very much encouraged on the 28th Aug 2016, everything run well although there are a few hiccups but I trusted God and then boom everything just fell into place; I cram my time to meet up with a few people in 1 day, and managed to do so with God's help.

Why do I feel blessed?

1) I get to meet my childhood friend Esther @ HIS church where she was actually Xinzi's churcmate, cellgroup mate ( Desiree's school mate and sunday school mate) and she has relocated to Singapore last week. It has been awhile since we catch up, I'm so surprised to meet her family too, I was there only to meet a former college mate of mine. I'm thankful that I learn about loving my country and the people, loving people that I dislike and spitefully use me. - i need to grow to be Anak Bangsa Malaysia, sometimes I do fail.

2) I ended late in HIS church because end up chatting a lot, so I rushed to Publika, thank God the jam wasn't bad and I got a good parking place and the rest of my friends find it difficult to get parking.

3) Met with Joanne from GroupBuy group. In a Resturant above MPH bookshop.

4)  I get to help my aunt Molly to pass some gifts to her friend Joanne as my parents has just came back from UK then.-  in front of MPH bookshop. ( did you see the links)? how God miraculously made my plans fall into place?

5) Riana was playing her pokemon Go and reached me without realizing that I was in MPH. It was my 1st time meeting up with Riana from Generasi Gemilang. So content that day to be able to meet up with this sister, I felt very encouraged to be able to soon serve Generasi Gemilang. 2 weeks from now, I will be going to help in ex8rate (volunteering in MS.Word, at the same time learning how to help next time). I really am thankful that in Generasi Gemilang I'm going to be able to practice my Malay Language...wheeee.... i'm so very excited..=)

I need to continue to persevere and don't give up serving. I'm sure God will take good care of me as long as I make myself available to Him.

~forgivenbabe~






Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

April 2016

Just want to make time to blog to wrap up my April journey. I guess in April I get to meet up and catch up with 2 friends one on one. It is quite a encouraging thing to meet up. Managed to complete 5 subjects for assignment but still waiting for 2 results. The other 3, I have passed it with quite good results. For me, I'm content enough to be able to get those, all glory to the Lord. Seems like I have yet to be given a chance to really practice it.

I really need to go for basic skills soon. I pray and wished I will be able to take it next year. Since I do not have any basic skills from Marsha. I'm not allowed to take any advance skilled class. So now I'm allowed one and a half month off from studies. I plan to complete a few things, crochet table cloth, send the emboidery work to Nirah to sew a pillow case, and do some reading. Make more time for Albert's family as well. Wheee....free from 2 months of assignments. (but will complete studies later)

 I'm looking forward for tomorrow, I'm stepping into the month of May. Already made dates with friends and also boyfie. I hope I'm able to catch up with a few more others to encourage them in their life journeys.

My friend's mum and granpa will be baptised tomorrow (1st May). She is not a christian yet, I asked her to join us for baptism service but she told me that she already have plans. I'm so happy that her mum and granpa is part of our kingdom and church. It will be a good opportunity for me to reach my friend.

There will be our 1st anniversary for sis2sis tonight, fingers crossed... I will be able to cook properly so that no one will go into the toilet after having the meal. wakakakakak. I'm a newbie in cooking.  I must so learn more skills in cooking.. =)

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Heart check

Read this topic on today's our daily bread. I felt that if i'm going to fail after a spiritual heart check, that my heart is not fully towards heavenwards or towards God. My heart is now only on my relationship, my finance, my security, my phone games (yes comes pretty addictive at sometimes), and many other things that are instead of my Father in heaven. I know that this is scary but this seems like, I am not so into doing things in God's will. I need to so pray that God will give Grace that I my heart will be for heavenwards and not for my own selfish desires or worrying about my own life.

As I should trust that God will provide whatever that He feels I need. I would be more content that way, if I just stop worrying too much. Luke 12:22-34. My human nature overpower me each time I feel like things didn't go the way I wanted or feel. Sometimes hopeless is the feeling I have, I should instead, cling unto God's promises rather than on my own negative understanding of life.

These verses reminded me about my childhood favourite christian group. A song especially for this verse.

Where your treasure is by Steve Green


Then I listened to it today again, my heart was lifted. I hope my heart will be reminded where to be at in my walk with my maker and father in heaven.




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Happy 1st anniversary my Love (in another 2 days)

We started our relationship over the phone on the 12th April 2015. A day that had changed both our statuses to available into attached. Since we have been one year being attached to one another, we had been trained to work as a team instead of thinking as an individual.

Yesterday, Albert brought me for a Pet Expo, it was my 1st time there, the Expo will only be on for 3 days.  I must so remember to accompany him to his favourite mall, the Amcrop Mall. I'm sure I will love it there. Anyway after walking around Pet Expo and looking at tags for my cat's in which I was just window shopping for them, seems like I can't find the perfect one within my budget.

 We met up with Jimmy and Louanna, our ibridge camp friends, that had made time to meet up for us. Had Sushi King with them for lunch, had a chat with them and managed to meet their dog Oreo. I also managed to see from a far, a former friend who left in speed, I'm not sure if they left not knowing I'm there or just didn't want to meet me. Anyway, let me put it that they didn't know I'm there. So that I will not habour in any negative feelings. It seems like the human me, felt a little bit disappointing. But let it be a bygone.

I certainly enjoyed walking around in Pet Expo with my dear. Having to see that even our pets are allowed to try on the food before we purchased them. To see if the Pet really love the food. They even sell trolley for pets. I felt that, the pet expo is for people to pamper their pets with expensive goods that are luxury and not needs. There are so many varieties of stuff, more common for dogs. I manage to see those cats that are in competition. Many Spinx and other breeds as well. All pedigree, in different breeds, shapes, ages and sizes. Love those huge cats. I saw many of Shalom's family there (same colour) lolz. Got some freebies and free magazines as well. Good enough for a RM5 ticket. Albert also did a questionnaire and get a freebie for shalom, fina and sweetie. I may bring Shalom along for the next Pet Expo, God willing if Shalom will not be too travel unhappy.

We went for Cafe Cafe, for dinner to celebrate our 1st anniversary of courtship. I love the food but the serving is a bit too huge for my eating, and the food is a bit too pricey for me. For a nice date like this, I'm thankful that Albert had taken the initiative to bring me for a good four course meal. I take comfort in the food and also the ambiance. It was like candle light dinner, but the difference is that there are many others in the Cafe. We got to witness one proposal just a few tables away. Such a beautiful sight. Let me thought about how mine will be like? up to my dear to be creative. ( muahahahah) I just wait and see. This is why being a girl is blessed. XD We sealed our night out with a kiss. Knowing that we will love each other for the longest time. I'm thankful to God that He has brought us so far, although we had disobeyed many occasions but still He was there kept caring and taking care of us. Thank You Father God.

I will post the pictures in later as the pictures are still either in Albert's phone or in my phone. A little difficult for me to post in now.





Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Ecclesiastes

It is the 1st week of April. I'm finally reading the book Ecclesiastes. My eyes stop in the last few verses of Chapter 1 today.

16 I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

17 And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.

18 For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

What does this really mean? I searched about it today, asked God to teach me about it .

I searched online commentary and read about this 

"Yet this Searcher kept on, despite the increasing frustration that the more he knew the more he knew he did not know. At the close of his life, Isaac Newton said, "I have been paddling in the shallows of a great ocean of knowledge." He too felt the frustration of not being able to encompass more". Ray Stedman

This book is written when Solomon has a corrected mind from his past wrong doings.
http://www.raystedman.org/old-testament/ecclesiastes/the-search-for-meaning

In Conclusion, I felt that no matter how much we know about life, there are still things that we do not exactly know fully, so don't stop learning from God and don't feel bad if you don't know a lot of things.  

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Prostitutes? Red Light District? Drugs?

Coming from a christian family, I have often been taught to be away from all those. It is often very disapproval if someone is into something like this, my family will start talking about so and so...don't be like him etc. It is very wrong to be doing things like that.

Today, I had a different perspective about them (prostitutes), knowing the reason behind it, brings me to shame about what they needed to go through not by their own actions or own accord but being tricked into it. I read the book from page 1 to the end today, and I realized that I wouldn't judge them so much from yesteryear. I know that some aren't trick into it, but most of them, at least those I read of, are being tricked into being prosty.  " Slave Girl" was the book that I read today.

This book was a story about a lady, she had been sexually and brutally abused by her own dad when she was a kid. She on her own accord went to Amsterdam for a job when she was 19, but her story was tragic, she didn't know that she was being tricked by a pimp. Her whole life story was brutal, tragic and had cost her a lot of hatred towards those who goes to "Red Light Districts". The reason why she didn't even trust policeman was because some of them was bribe by those pimps.

So many stories are share in 1 person's point of view, I'm not suprised that she in the end chose to be a lesbian, probably she did not really trust any man anymore, In the storybook, I found out that, her marriage life wasn't that good in the 1st few years due to her past. She was having a terribly hard time. I mean, that doesn't mean that it is okay that she became a lesbian. For me what is wrong, it is wrong.

For example, she found it so difficult to break the habit of taking more drugs, even after being safe from the slavery of being a sex slave, she went into the business of being a pimp herself for other girls. She did it for just awhile under the influence from another girl she loved. ( not the lady she married). Then finally after being in jail for awhile and came out of it, she married legally with another lady. If only a christian is there to tell her about Jesus.

I have heard about stories about Amsterdam having drug dealers etc, I have heard of them, but I have not ever read them in detailed before, this book is really an eye opener, if it wasn't for my cousin from Singapore that pass down the book for us to read, I wouldn't have read it. This book title was appealing to me, I'm always a fan of reading real life stories.

To sum up this book, it is scary, reading it from a 1st hand survivor. I will never look at prosty the way I look at them time next time. I will be more caring towards them and not ill treat them in anyway. Most of them go through "a hell on earth". Sigh. They are sinful, aren't we too? If they repent and have a clean slate, aren't we going to accept them? Sometimes, it is not really them who started it. Evil man or women had took them into this whole picture, maybe some was kidnapped and was human trafficked.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Seoul Trip 8th -12th March

Greeted with Shalom look alike in the house we staying

Finally I managed to step foot into Korea. Culturally I felt that I couldn't find any church, if makes me wonder where all my love for Korea went to. Until one day when I was travelling towards gyeongbokgong there was a preacher in his loud voice proclaiming a gospel in Hangul. I'm in awe, I"m like going back into olden time preacher where they speak in the subways. At least I got to see him doing that. Nobody actually stop to listen, as everyone is busy walking and heading to their destination, (fast pace life). I did not go towards him to say hi, as my sisters were walking quickly and I did not want to stop them. I shall do it the next time I go to Korea. I will make sure I know where the churches are with Soomin's help.

in Alive Museum, a very must for me in Korea. 

So this is the 1st time me and sisters get together and go for a trip out of Malaysia. I have been to Hanoi with Samantha before but not with Desiree and Samantha at the same time. It was a time for bonding and to know each others weaknesses and strengths. I'm thankful that we could contemplate each other and travel together. For me it is quite difficult to look at the train lines. Sam told me that there are more train lines in Japan than Korea. So I guess I should be thankful and just humbly learn how to go to places. I learn not to rely on others in this trip as well. Sometimes my sister may want to rest and ask where to go to.

1st meal in korea, Korean beef BBQ

On the 1st night Sam treated us with a BBQ beef in one of the local shops situated in Sin Seol-dong, a walk away from where we sleep in. Going to MyeongDong actually made me open my eyes to many many creative face and body products. I'm not really a fan of Korean face product, as I'm more of a Japanese face product fan. I guess it was no harm trying if it in made from herbs or stuff like that. I didn't dare to purchase anything besides just looking at their creativity in presenting and packaging their products. I do love Korea in general but prefer going travelling and exploring new things apart from just shopping. I guess the ultimate motive to shop there is just to get some souvenirs for friends and family.

In this trip, I felt that I have learnt to budget and to spend wisely, in fact I manage to have  20k won left in my pocket. I learn that I can get anywhere conveniently by using the Korail. As long as I do my research and chat with people on trip advisor. I would certainly stay in airbnb in my next trip or in any place around the world. Airbnb is a must for me. =) I guess staying in someones home is fun.




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Psalms

Was reading through many Psalms since end of last year. Realized something that I didn't really take note. Not all the Psalms is by David. I realized I did not dig deep enough in my 20 years in life... Some chapter in Psalms has different psalmist. I didn't know Moses wrote as well, it is something that I realized today when pondering Psalms 90. I didn't even know there is someone by the name of Ethan in the bible, good name for babies aye (winks), he is one of  psalmist for psalms 89. Verse one was made into a song, I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever; with my mouth will I make known; your faithfulness through all generation.

Felt very blessed after reading psalms 104. It is a timeline of almost everything that God did for His people from the torah. I'm heading out to meet up with a sister in christ now. It has been awhile since we last meet up =).

Feeling a little more fruitful this 2 days. =) Thanking God for directing my days.



Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Sold into Marriage by Sean Boyne

Just finished a book today, a real life story about a 16 year old marrying an old man 60 years of age. This incident took place in Ireland in the 1970s. Tragic how the father and husband treated her in torment. These stories make be feel very blessed to be in a generation or in the midst of people that still respects women, and women can voice up their own opinions more freely than those from the book.

Even the priest were wavered that cause the girl to give up faith instead of lean unto God. She couldn't trust people anymore after that incident. Father and husband was supposedly a protector treated her like a procession. She was terribly beating and ill treated by both her husband and father. Her mother could not do anything as she was also weak in her family and severely mistreated by her husband. Bruised all the time.Mentally and verbal abused as well. As I read along, I could feel the hatred and anguish that was within her, yet her hope to move on to survive was still there. To run away was her only hope that time.

Being caught in the middle of mix feelings when each terrible individual that made her life a misery, she did not receive any "sorry" from her dad. She did a lot of mistakes along the way though. I really do hope that she will come to know the Lord before she passed away. Such things happened to her, I salute that she was able to go through the hard knocks of life. I wouldn't be able to live up to that and I may had been killed along the way. In my mind right now is how could something so terrible happened to a young girl? sometimes things may look prestige on the outside as evil people wear a "good person" mask and walk around.

http://www.obrien.ie/sold-into-marriage


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Chinese New Year 2016

I had made plans for Chinese New Year not knowing that sometimes plans just do not go the way it wanted. This year for me is a more fruitful time at home. We had our 1st photo shoot as a family by our one and only professional photographer at home, my eldest sister.

I realized that I have "out grown" of going out with friends for the New Year. I seem to want to spend more time at home this year. Signs of growing up? After going for 1 session of visitation with a friend, I needed some time to recover from the visitation...it seem like it zaps away my energy. When I needed to go to another house for another visitation, I needed to pull myself to meet up, leaving my family at home. I'm so unlike yesteryear this year. Maybe growing up had made me feel more chores to work on at home and resting at home is like a bliss after doing house work and helping mum lessen her burden.
I felt that I have also outgrown angpows, I do not really think much about opening the packets. Maybe I just want to be thankful and be content about any amount given. They blessed me with finance, everything is from the Lord, I know. 7979, I will need to be giving them as it has been 1 year since I made the half year pledges. Pray that I will have sufficient this time for the Taiwan Earthquake for 7979.

Did not manage to meet up with groups of friends this year, unlike last year.  2 groups had asked me to go out on the same night. And a few friends had messaged me on 2 and 3rd day for reunion, but I couldn't make time for them this year. I thought 1 week is a good time for leisure for me, seems like my holiday plans did not run smoothly this year. Really wanted to make time to have reading therapy. I on't think money is the factor, it is just the energy being zap out very quickly, as I needed more me time this year.

Younger sister also crave to have a time together with me, I have lacked it for many months now. I know that , so i'm trying my best to make time alone for her. I guess I can't do it so often anymore aye? I can never have best of both worlds anymore.

This year too shalom is in his phase of sadness, peeing anywhere he likes. So our decision was to allow him to go out more often. Had a quite of an arguement, maybe I already do not know what to do, after giving so much adviced but not being followed. It certainly frustrates me.

Finally have the time to pen down my feelings this morning and had some bible reading about "Tamar" and also " Pophitar's wife". Later will need to make time for my cousins that will be coming down from KL for CNY visit, and I will need to entertain my cousin and her cute Ivan. =) Very excited to meet little Ivan again.

Back home to Lipis had gone a little more fun. Uncle from Sabah came back to Lipis for the 1st time for Chinese New Year. So as a gang of How's we went window shopping in pasar tani after our mamak food makan. More than 10 of us squeezed in gramps house. I felt warmed to be in this family. They chatted and chatted as me the younger ones stayed connected with the younger ones, having chatty conversations and also taking Albert ( my boyfie) into the topic. Secondary school Girls -.-, showed me Albert's pic on facebook. This is not new to me for my Sabah cousins that are young but such internet connected. Having to sleep with them during lipis trip had made me know that they felt more at home being with just me and desiree.

Shirley ask me to sit next to her and she did not want any other to sit next to her. lolz. (melts) . The year of monkey. I wonder where can I help her to find the monkey she want. The astro one. I saw it somewhere in popular but uncertain if they still have stock.

Can't wait to meet the boyfie on the 6th day of CNY. It has been awhile since we meet face to face. Felt a bit terrible of kinda "neglected" him for the Lunar Year. I will make up for it my love. muax. I guess having someone you Love, you need to make some sacrifice. ^^ thorned in between this CNY. Hope that as time goes we will be able to plan our time for each other better. =) We will work things out, I"m sure. We have came this far darling boyfie.




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

2015 ended (reflection) as 2016 came in swiftly

Year 2015, I guess and hope that I have managed to encourage my friends or family members. Like every year there is a part of bitter and a part of sweet. Overall God has been good and helped me to pull through obstacles, be it on my own or with the help of my boyfie.

Although I don't feel that I have grown any wiser, but I'm growing older each year. Reflecting on end of year 2014 and last year, I learn to lead bible study with a few others sisters. We take turns to lead, it was a great learning experience for me. I may struggle to complete my message sometimes but I guess it helps me to be more certain when it comes to leading a small group of 4 or 5. I have a lot more to learn because I'm still not very very confident in it.

Last year's goals was to tithe at least rm140 every month, this I did not manage to do, but I did give freely for the Sister's group that need more support financially. Again for 7979 box offering fund I didn't manage to bank in money to them, although I have already told myself to do so to put in at least RM50 every month. In financial blessings, God has certainly been kind to me in finance this year. I have a cash gift of  Rm500 ( from MMHA for a competition) and  RM1050 (from Birthday end of last year). I'm not a good money steward again in year 2015, I need to learn to set my priorities of purchasing right.  About the unpaid debts from the past canada travels. I have yet to even pay any amount to dad. I must also do it this year.

Was suppose to complete at least the Old testament this year, I failed and managed until half of Psalms. I did not master the malay language as I wanted, slacking a lot from reading malay books. So I need to work on it this year.  I was suppose to inspired a person each month of year 2015 but I didn't manage to. I just managed to inspire 1 or 2 at the end of the year as I reflect back. I have a timothy (Des) , barnabas ( Alicia)  and a paul (Albert Khor)  this year and I thank God. My final goal is to bring Irene's kids to church this year, but it did not run according to plan.

My year 2015 has an addition, I'm taking Christian Counselling  course that may last up to 3 to 4 years. It is also another phrase of life. End of year mentakab oskar closed down, my house renovation due to termite infestation and having someone that loves me as I am (my dear albert).

So what I'm proud of about year 2015?

Having a boyfriend that loves me as I am and having to celebrate my birthday this year with him.
I got the prize with the help of my boyfriend Albert and my sister Samantha.
at least now i'm more open with my mental condition and that I'm willing to share with others about it.
led a few Sis2Sis meetings with the help of other commitee members. Having a group of christian sisters of the same age group.
Did a report on it on the last day of the year during watch night.
I had a non-depressed year end, I"m thankful that I'm well. (year end is my sensitive period for triggers)
did gym for 2 months (with kerxin)
did jog for 3 times. (with nicole)
Taking up counselling course.

What I'm not so proud of about year 2015?

crying some of my days away.
being angry and holding grudges on some things.
demanding things sometimes.
not working on finance well.
not getting to meet up with boyfriend's parents.


Goals for 2016
1) Get to know boyfriend's family better and understand them.
2) To help mum in the kitchen more often. (example: CNY) - steal recipes as well.
3) Cook a whole meal at least once a month. (i hope)
4) To make a difference in 1 or 2 people this year.
5) To learn up Malay Language.
6) To manage finance and read up the finance book.
7) try to learn more and practice counselling God willing.
8) to be sporty. (badminton or jog)

9) celebrate christmas with boyfriend and also his birthday.

moving onwards.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

December 2015- Christmas Is Coming

Wow, time do flies, I don't think our sister group have came out with any ideas for the christmas meeting yet. I just heard from my friend that I'm suppose to change RM1k for the trip to Thailand. I should have did more savings for it. Sigh. I guess I just need to get another RM500 from January's and try not to spend so much this month. Plan to get also a gift for Shireen's birthday. Ken Mun will help us to purchase it from HK airport most probably. I'm excited to sit down and chat with them again. I really need to start to learn to spend my finances properly.

 I'm currently writing down my budgets beginning of the month and also how much I spend for necessities as well as wants. I should really cut down more on my wants and givings. I din't bring my book on finance management to read in the shop today. I will need to dig deep to learn ways to be better finance stewards. I should set also a budget of giving. How much should I spend per month on giving? I need to roughly come out with a budget plan for this for year 2016. How much to spend on family and friends? If not I may be suffering with financial difficulties. I need to do everything in moderation but yet I'm still not learning after so many years of working. I have yet to safe up money for future. The only money that I got is in my fixed and that is very little.  Enough about my budget plan.

Me wearing a  Kimono- Japanese Outfit

Us in Japanese Outfit, thanks dear for accompanying me.

This 2 weeks, I get to spend time with the people I love. On the 28th of Dec, Albert and I went to Berjaya Hills, the Colmar Tropicale and Japanese Village in the morning after having breakfast dim sum with Desiree in Karak. There Albert and I manage to take a video on how we met Jesus. I'm very video shy. It reminds me about the time when the videographer needed to videograph for my friend's wedding, asked me to say some nice message for her, but I just could not but I just need to push myself to be more confident in talking in the video that day being with Albert. We also have a fun time playing the arcade games together.

After our trip, we actually tried to rush back for a talk on depression by a Dr. a talk organized by MMHA. But due to time constraints and also traffic, we cancelled our plans and head straight to meet up with aunt Alice and aunt molly and Adele.

Colmar Tropicale- with the swans.

Desiree and I, went to pick Samuel up from Sunway Condo, lost our way 3 times before reaching out destination. Very tiring journey that day, confusing as well. After 2 hours on the road we finally meet up with Aunt Molly, Aunt Alice and Adele, together with them my very dear boyfriend, they were all waiting there for our arrival.

I haven't met Aunt Molly for the longest time, she never stop sharing encouraging words and affection to our family. I know she loves us very much through her actions. I could see her huge heart for us. This was a planned trip without letting dad and mum know. We have planned since 2 months ago. They looked so suprise, Adele recorded a video on that. I'm so thankful that our plans did not fail. I saw my dad's little shocked movement. It was hilarious to watch him and mum. I could see they were so happy. Wheee.....we suceeded!! thanks to my precious Yong Siblings!!~

after the suprise, we settled with a group picture.

Taken in Bandar Damansara, Kuantan

We had an enjoyable time singing karaoke and having seafood dinner at a restaurant in Jalan Cempaka. We sung from oldies to Malay songs and  Pop songs. After warming up, we could see everyone is fighting for the mic. We conclude our karaoke with 2 group songs. And ended with Amazing Grace half-way, as the shopkeeper off the mic straight away.  On the 1st of Dec, we went to visit baby Ivan and the Ng's.  We cut our December babies cake, celebrating Vendi, Adele and me.  We also have lunch with Uncle Senglai, Marcus and Matthew.  In this few days, Adele has caused me to be addicted to the Neko app on our phones. It is great to be able to share the same love for furry/ fluffy pals, with my 19 year old cousin. No longer a baby  but a young lady. I was actually thinking of what to get for her and then decided on a duo pendrive for her to transfer files to and from her LG handphone. I hope they all have a safe journey home to UK and Singapore. I appreciate them coming down to spend time with my parents. I wish them all the blessings and Love from God. 

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Nov 2015- remembering Ridzuan Condo.

It may be yesteryear, but my memories in Ridzuan Condo triggered when I was reading about it. Happy times, meaningful moments, sad times, stressful times and a place where I call home away from home 11 years ago. Although I'm not in touched with any of my housemates, I still remember vividly the time when I'm there with them.

I remembered a girl by the name of Selina, she was the 1st christian sister that I met before I start classes, she was my housemate. I started my course with feelings of Joy and Happiness. It was my dream to become a mass commer. I was thanking God then and was grateful that I was given another chance to study. I gave Selina a warm hug and said hello to her asking her which church is she from and she was actually from Sabah. She only have 1 more semester there when I went in, as she is an A level student. I felt at home the instant I was there.

My roommate comes and go. Hannie was the first to leave due to her JPA scholarship, we lost contact right after she left, she is as sweet and bubbly like her name. My room has always been a place to play sleepover and mid night chats. There is always one of the housemate that will shift over to sleep with me when anyone left the house. I believe it was because my room was the master bedroom. It was spacious and near the window, the air is good there as we are in the 11 or 12 floor I couldn't recall already. Unlike Albert, the distance from Ridzuan to my classes in Taylors Bali Campus is just 15 min walk, or just less than 5 min drive without traffic. Sometimes I would take the free shuttle and sometimes I would walk. There are times when I take the shuttle to Taylors Subang to use the library internet access there to check my social network.

My 1st housemates group of housemates were Hannie, Seowleng, Priscilla, Sumee, Selina, and another girl that I couldn't recall her name. I'm closer to Priscilla, Sumee, Selina and Seowleng. Every evening, the whole group of us will go for dinner together in a food place at ground floor named, Cassie. It belongs to a family that has a daughter by the name of Cassie. We were often their customer that they even invited us to their house one day. I remembered Cassie was then learning latin ballroom, she showed us her skirt. She is a pretty young lady, still in secondary school then. We will also send our laundry to a shop where they will 1st weight our laundry and charge us by the weight. I only go to the laundry shop during rainy season or when my assignments are piling up, as I would hand-wash my clothes.

I have 2 classmates that stays in Ridzuan. We do group assignments together, crazy pictures for assignment's powerpoint, chitchat, fill up water from the water machines where we need to pay 20cents and walk to college together. Luo qian had a car after 1 semester, she offered to fetch me back after college, I'm blessed with good classmates like that. When I'm in lipis for chinese new year, she would drop by to meet me in my grandma's house. She is the only one that I still stayed in contact after I drop out of college, but then later we lost contact again. There are many other things that I have tasted in my Taylors years, but it would just be a memory as I can never re connect with my college mates again. I understand it as a bygone and I will appreciate the friends that I still have right now.

If only I'm in Ridzuan for 2 years, I would have most probably bumped into Albert then. But I guess, it would be a different story altogether if we met then. I'm thankful that we have met later, that makes it special.      



Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Bear fruit

A sister that I've known during my secondary years, reminded me so much about living for the Lord. I've been torned a lot this few years.Last week I had ask God to help me see what things He wants me to have and has given to me. It certainly has change me views in life, and had made me reflect back on God's glory and God's wonders.

Saturday morning I reflect about being good stewards and also about giving. Whatever we have is belonging to God. So I am to give things or time to the poor, either in spirit or financially.

2 Corinthians 8:15
As it is written, “He who gathered much had nothing left over, and he who gathered little had no lack.”

I'm blessed with this verse in 2 Corinthians 8:15, it helps me a lot in giving freely especially those who are in God's ministry.

As for the sister, she shared that, it is the happy faces of people in the sunday school or church goers that make her wonder and want to have that kind of life. I'm challenged to live a happy life!~ To have a happy life, how?? God answered me today..
happy life= contentment in life, although have loads of worries, yet we have HOPE, PEACE and LOVE everyday in our life.

John 15:8

By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

so that if anyone see us, he/she will acknowledge and question in their minds, who is the God we're worshiping or what is our secret to our content lives. John 15:8 is a verse that keep me reminded this morning, just wanted to pour out and encourage others to do the same. =)

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

April, May & june...busiest months....

April just passed by. Dint know how I gone through it. enjoyed most of the events in April, learnt a lot, learnt to be humble, learnt to break out from my cocoon that was there. Yet tired, yet feeling difficult, yet feeling uneffective at times, feeling unable to do things that was suppose to be done. But He knows all things that I go through. I try to do my best, but yet felt that I'm not giving me whole heart.

Went for mission trip at KGH, it had happy and discouraging times a the same week. I'm not going to mention here, but I believe it will just help me to grow as time pass by. On the last day of the trip, we visited the waterfall, enjoyed the waterfall although I dint want to get myself too wet. It is so good to be at the waterfall. I enjoyed to see God's creation, so beautiful, majestic...and nice sound of the water splashing. See so many butterflies flying around the waterfall place. I'm blessed, coz i Love butterflies. It was the few times I'm very contented during my trip down. Other than that I'm also contented for getting to know different faces. Some still smiling although life for them isn't easy. I'm encouraged to see their faith.


Went for a recent good friend's wedding. this time finally I managed to catch up with a few that I've known for almost 3 years. =) I'm happy to meet up with chunyip and also his gf shirley. It has been ages since we met up. FRIM? I think that was when we met the last time. Had a great time together. Went to watch THOR. =) I hope that we could meet up more often. =)Enjoyed their friendship. Cant wait susan's wedding bells, family camp & kat lee & keeken's visit. And many more weddings to come.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Mission debriefing..& camerons trip.

Just came back from camerons today. Left camerons at about 330pm reached lipis at about 545pm. Had pancake for breakfast, and realize that it was shirley's parents. The night before had steamboat with Anderson, Eelin and Ben. Had good tomyam, and also ..had a fun time..catching up and laughing with them, enjoying each other's company as bro and sisters in christ.

Went also to Kea farm, buy strawberries, dried peach, dried bitter gourd, flowers, honey and jambu epal. Something new to my eyes. Cost a lot too. Around Rm5 for each if you buy a lot together.

Went up for a purpose to get to know teamates better for the mission trip to kampar. Will be going with another 7 students. Me as the co-supervisors with another brother. Try to remember their names but yeah..still trying to remember their names. Why my memory so bad yeah =(. God please help me lor.

The landslide at HCC was very very bad. And they are still thinking of a way to fixed it. Need the money to pay to build back the road. It is so bad that the church van cannot be moved out of HCC. Pray that the road will be fixed up soon. =( Sad to see the landslide though.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life