Prostitutes? Red Light District? Drugs?

Coming from a christian family, I have often been taught to be away from all those. It is often very disapproval if someone is into something like this, my family will start talking about so and so...don't be like him etc. It is very wrong to be doing things like that.

Today, I had a different perspective about them (prostitutes), knowing the reason behind it, brings me to shame about what they needed to go through not by their own actions or own accord but being tricked into it. I read the book from page 1 to the end today, and I realized that I wouldn't judge them so much from yesteryear. I know that some aren't trick into it, but most of them, at least those I read of, are being tricked into being prosty.  " Slave Girl" was the book that I read today.

This book was a story about a lady, she had been sexually and brutally abused by her own dad when she was a kid. She on her own accord went to Amsterdam for a job when she was 19, but her story was tragic, she didn't know that she was being tricked by a pimp. Her whole life story was brutal, tragic and had cost her a lot of hatred towards those who goes to "Red Light Districts". The reason why she didn't even trust policeman was because some of them was bribe by those pimps.

So many stories are share in 1 person's point of view, I'm not suprised that she in the end chose to be a lesbian, probably she did not really trust any man anymore, In the storybook, I found out that, her marriage life wasn't that good in the 1st few years due to her past. She was having a terribly hard time. I mean, that doesn't mean that it is okay that she became a lesbian. For me what is wrong, it is wrong.

For example, she found it so difficult to break the habit of taking more drugs, even after being safe from the slavery of being a sex slave, she went into the business of being a pimp herself for other girls. She did it for just awhile under the influence from another girl she loved. ( not the lady she married). Then finally after being in jail for awhile and came out of it, she married legally with another lady. If only a christian is there to tell her about Jesus.

I have heard about stories about Amsterdam having drug dealers etc, I have heard of them, but I have not ever read them in detailed before, this book is really an eye opener, if it wasn't for my cousin from Singapore that pass down the book for us to read, I wouldn't have read it. This book title was appealing to me, I'm always a fan of reading real life stories.

To sum up this book, it is scary, reading it from a 1st hand survivor. I will never look at prosty the way I look at them time next time. I will be more caring towards them and not ill treat them in anyway. Most of them go through "a hell on earth". Sigh. They are sinful, aren't we too? If they repent and have a clean slate, aren't we going to accept them? Sometimes, it is not really them who started it. Evil man or women had took them into this whole picture, maybe some was kidnapped and was human trafficked.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Seoul Trip 8th -12th March

Greeted with Shalom look alike in the house we staying

Finally I managed to step foot into Korea. Culturally I felt that I couldn't find any church, if makes me wonder where all my love for Korea went to. Until one day when I was travelling towards gyeongbokgong there was a preacher in his loud voice proclaiming a gospel in Hangul. I'm in awe, I"m like going back into olden time preacher where they speak in the subways. At least I got to see him doing that. Nobody actually stop to listen, as everyone is busy walking and heading to their destination, (fast pace life). I did not go towards him to say hi, as my sisters were walking quickly and I did not want to stop them. I shall do it the next time I go to Korea. I will make sure I know where the churches are with Soomin's help.

in Alive Museum, a very must for me in Korea. 

So this is the 1st time me and sisters get together and go for a trip out of Malaysia. I have been to Hanoi with Samantha before but not with Desiree and Samantha at the same time. It was a time for bonding and to know each others weaknesses and strengths. I'm thankful that we could contemplate each other and travel together. For me it is quite difficult to look at the train lines. Sam told me that there are more train lines in Japan than Korea. So I guess I should be thankful and just humbly learn how to go to places. I learn not to rely on others in this trip as well. Sometimes my sister may want to rest and ask where to go to.

1st meal in korea, Korean beef BBQ

On the 1st night Sam treated us with a BBQ beef in one of the local shops situated in Sin Seol-dong, a walk away from where we sleep in. Going to MyeongDong actually made me open my eyes to many many creative face and body products. I'm not really a fan of Korean face product, as I'm more of a Japanese face product fan. I guess it was no harm trying if it in made from herbs or stuff like that. I didn't dare to purchase anything besides just looking at their creativity in presenting and packaging their products. I do love Korea in general but prefer going travelling and exploring new things apart from just shopping. I guess the ultimate motive to shop there is just to get some souvenirs for friends and family.

In this trip, I felt that I have learnt to budget and to spend wisely, in fact I manage to have  20k won left in my pocket. I learn that I can get anywhere conveniently by using the Korail. As long as I do my research and chat with people on trip advisor. I would certainly stay in airbnb in my next trip or in any place around the world. Airbnb is a must for me. =) I guess staying in someones home is fun.




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Psalms

Was reading through many Psalms since end of last year. Realized something that I didn't really take note. Not all the Psalms is by David. I realized I did not dig deep enough in my 20 years in life... Some chapter in Psalms has different psalmist. I didn't know Moses wrote as well, it is something that I realized today when pondering Psalms 90. I didn't even know there is someone by the name of Ethan in the bible, good name for babies aye (winks), he is one of  psalmist for psalms 89. Verse one was made into a song, I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever; with my mouth will I make known; your faithfulness through all generation.

Felt very blessed after reading psalms 104. It is a timeline of almost everything that God did for His people from the torah. I'm heading out to meet up with a sister in christ now. It has been awhile since we last meet up =).

Feeling a little more fruitful this 2 days. =) Thanking God for directing my days.



Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Sold into Marriage by Sean Boyne

Just finished a book today, a real life story about a 16 year old marrying an old man 60 years of age. This incident took place in Ireland in the 1970s. Tragic how the father and husband treated her in torment. These stories make be feel very blessed to be in a generation or in the midst of people that still respects women, and women can voice up their own opinions more freely than those from the book.

Even the priest were wavered that cause the girl to give up faith instead of lean unto God. She couldn't trust people anymore after that incident. Father and husband was supposedly a protector treated her like a procession. She was terribly beating and ill treated by both her husband and father. Her mother could not do anything as she was also weak in her family and severely mistreated by her husband. Bruised all the time.Mentally and verbal abused as well. As I read along, I could feel the hatred and anguish that was within her, yet her hope to move on to survive was still there. To run away was her only hope that time.

Being caught in the middle of mix feelings when each terrible individual that made her life a misery, she did not receive any "sorry" from her dad. She did a lot of mistakes along the way though. I really do hope that she will come to know the Lord before she passed away. Such things happened to her, I salute that she was able to go through the hard knocks of life. I wouldn't be able to live up to that and I may had been killed along the way. In my mind right now is how could something so terrible happened to a young girl? sometimes things may look prestige on the outside as evil people wear a "good person" mask and walk around.

http://www.obrien.ie/sold-into-marriage


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

Chinese New Year 2016

I had made plans for Chinese New Year not knowing that sometimes plans just do not go the way it wanted. This year for me is a more fruitful time at home. We had our 1st photo shoot as a family by our one and only professional photographer at home, my eldest sister.

I realized that I have "out grown" of going out with friends for the New Year. I seem to want to spend more time at home this year. Signs of growing up? After going for 1 session of visitation with a friend, I needed some time to recover from the visitation...it seem like it zaps away my energy. When I needed to go to another house for another visitation, I needed to pull myself to meet up, leaving my family at home. I'm so unlike yesteryear this year. Maybe growing up had made me feel more chores to work on at home and resting at home is like a bliss after doing house work and helping mum lessen her burden.
I felt that I have also outgrown angpows, I do not really think much about opening the packets. Maybe I just want to be thankful and be content about any amount given. They blessed me with finance, everything is from the Lord, I know. 7979, I will need to be giving them as it has been 1 year since I made the half year pledges. Pray that I will have sufficient this time for the Taiwan Earthquake for 7979.

Did not manage to meet up with groups of friends this year, unlike last year.  2 groups had asked me to go out on the same night. And a few friends had messaged me on 2 and 3rd day for reunion, but I couldn't make time for them this year. I thought 1 week is a good time for leisure for me, seems like my holiday plans did not run smoothly this year. Really wanted to make time to have reading therapy. I on't think money is the factor, it is just the energy being zap out very quickly, as I needed more me time this year.

Younger sister also crave to have a time together with me, I have lacked it for many months now. I know that , so i'm trying my best to make time alone for her. I guess I can't do it so often anymore aye? I can never have best of both worlds anymore.

This year too shalom is in his phase of sadness, peeing anywhere he likes. So our decision was to allow him to go out more often. Had a quite of an arguement, maybe I already do not know what to do, after giving so much adviced but not being followed. It certainly frustrates me.

Finally have the time to pen down my feelings this morning and had some bible reading about "Tamar" and also " Pophitar's wife". Later will need to make time for my cousins that will be coming down from KL for CNY visit, and I will need to entertain my cousin and her cute Ivan. =) Very excited to meet little Ivan again.

Back home to Lipis had gone a little more fun. Uncle from Sabah came back to Lipis for the 1st time for Chinese New Year. So as a gang of How's we went window shopping in pasar tani after our mamak food makan. More than 10 of us squeezed in gramps house. I felt warmed to be in this family. They chatted and chatted as me the younger ones stayed connected with the younger ones, having chatty conversations and also taking Albert ( my boyfie) into the topic. Secondary school Girls -.-, showed me Albert's pic on facebook. This is not new to me for my Sabah cousins that are young but such internet connected. Having to sleep with them during lipis trip had made me know that they felt more at home being with just me and desiree.

Shirley ask me to sit next to her and she did not want any other to sit next to her. lolz. (melts) . The year of monkey. I wonder where can I help her to find the monkey she want. The astro one. I saw it somewhere in popular but uncertain if they still have stock.

Can't wait to meet the boyfie on the 6th day of CNY. It has been awhile since we meet face to face. Felt a bit terrible of kinda "neglected" him for the Lunar Year. I will make up for it my love. muax. I guess having someone you Love, you need to make some sacrifice. ^^ thorned in between this CNY. Hope that as time goes we will be able to plan our time for each other better. =) We will work things out, I"m sure. We have came this far darling boyfie.




Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

2015 ended (reflection) as 2016 came in swiftly

Year 2015, I guess and hope that I have managed to encourage my friends or family members. Like every year there is a part of bitter and a part of sweet. Overall God has been good and helped me to pull through obstacles, be it on my own or with the help of my boyfie.

Although I don't feel that I have grown any wiser, but I'm growing older each year. Reflecting on end of year 2014 and last year, I learn to lead bible study with a few others sisters. We take turns to lead, it was a great learning experience for me. I may struggle to complete my message sometimes but I guess it helps me to be more certain when it comes to leading a small group of 4 or 5. I have a lot more to learn because I'm still not very very confident in it.

Last year's goals was to tithe at least rm140 every month, this I did not manage to do, but I did give freely for the Sister's group that need more support financially. Again for 7979 box offering fund I didn't manage to bank in money to them, although I have already told myself to do so to put in at least RM50 every month. In financial blessings, God has certainly been kind to me in finance this year. I have a cash gift of  Rm500 ( from MMHA for a competition) and  RM1050 (from Birthday end of last year). I'm not a good money steward again in year 2015, I need to learn to set my priorities of purchasing right.  About the unpaid debts from the past canada travels. I have yet to even pay any amount to dad. I must also do it this year.

Was suppose to complete at least the Old testament this year, I failed and managed until half of Psalms. I did not master the malay language as I wanted, slacking a lot from reading malay books. So I need to work on it this year.  I was suppose to inspired a person each month of year 2015 but I didn't manage to. I just managed to inspire 1 or 2 at the end of the year as I reflect back. I have a timothy (Des) , barnabas ( Alicia)  and a paul (Albert Khor)  this year and I thank God. My final goal is to bring Irene's kids to church this year, but it did not run according to plan.

My year 2015 has an addition, I'm taking Christian Counselling  course that may last up to 3 to 4 years. It is also another phrase of life. End of year mentakab oskar closed down, my house renovation due to termite infestation and having someone that loves me as I am (my dear albert).

So what I'm proud of about year 2015?

Having a boyfriend that loves me as I am and having to celebrate my birthday this year with him.
I got the prize with the help of my boyfriend Albert and my sister Samantha.
at least now i'm more open with my mental condition and that I'm willing to share with others about it.
led a few Sis2Sis meetings with the help of other commitee members. Having a group of christian sisters of the same age group.
Did a report on it on the last day of the year during watch night.
I had a non-depressed year end, I"m thankful that I'm well. (year end is my sensitive period for triggers)
did gym for 2 months (with kerxin)
did jog for 3 times. (with nicole)
Taking up counselling course.

What I'm not so proud of about year 2015?

crying some of my days away.
being angry and holding grudges on some things.
demanding things sometimes.
not working on finance well.
not getting to meet up with boyfriend's parents.


Goals for 2016
1) Get to know boyfriend's family better and understand them.
2) To help mum in the kitchen more often. (example: CNY) - steal recipes as well.
3) Cook a whole meal at least once a month. (i hope)
4) To make a difference in 1 or 2 people this year.
5) To learn up Malay Language.
6) To manage finance and read up the finance book.
7) try to learn more and practice counselling God willing.
8) to be sporty. (badminton or jog)

9) celebrate christmas with boyfriend and also his birthday.

moving onwards.


Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life

December 2015- Christmas Is Coming

Wow, time do flies, I don't think our sister group have came out with any ideas for the christmas meeting yet. I just heard from my friend that I'm suppose to change RM1k for the trip to Thailand. I should have did more savings for it. Sigh. I guess I just need to get another RM500 from January's and try not to spend so much this month. Plan to get also a gift for Shireen's birthday. Ken Mun will help us to purchase it from HK airport most probably. I'm excited to sit down and chat with them again. I really need to start to learn to spend my finances properly.

 I'm currently writing down my budgets beginning of the month and also how much I spend for necessities as well as wants. I should really cut down more on my wants and givings. I din't bring my book on finance management to read in the shop today. I will need to dig deep to learn ways to be better finance stewards. I should set also a budget of giving. How much should I spend per month on giving? I need to roughly come out with a budget plan for this for year 2016. How much to spend on family and friends? If not I may be suffering with financial difficulties. I need to do everything in moderation but yet I'm still not learning after so many years of working. I have yet to safe up money for future. The only money that I got is in my fixed and that is very little.  Enough about my budget plan.

Me wearing a  Kimono- Japanese Outfit

Us in Japanese Outfit, thanks dear for accompanying me.

This 2 weeks, I get to spend time with the people I love. On the 28th of Dec, Albert and I went to Berjaya Hills, the Colmar Tropicale and Japanese Village in the morning after having breakfast dim sum with Desiree in Karak. There Albert and I manage to take a video on how we met Jesus. I'm very video shy. It reminds me about the time when the videographer needed to videograph for my friend's wedding, asked me to say some nice message for her, but I just could not but I just need to push myself to be more confident in talking in the video that day being with Albert. We also have a fun time playing the arcade games together.

After our trip, we actually tried to rush back for a talk on depression by a Dr. a talk organized by MMHA. But due to time constraints and also traffic, we cancelled our plans and head straight to meet up with aunt Alice and aunt molly and Adele.

Colmar Tropicale- with the swans.

Desiree and I, went to pick Samuel up from Sunway Condo, lost our way 3 times before reaching out destination. Very tiring journey that day, confusing as well. After 2 hours on the road we finally meet up with Aunt Molly, Aunt Alice and Adele, together with them my very dear boyfriend, they were all waiting there for our arrival.

I haven't met Aunt Molly for the longest time, she never stop sharing encouraging words and affection to our family. I know she loves us very much through her actions. I could see her huge heart for us. This was a planned trip without letting dad and mum know. We have planned since 2 months ago. They looked so suprise, Adele recorded a video on that. I'm so thankful that our plans did not fail. I saw my dad's little shocked movement. It was hilarious to watch him and mum. I could see they were so happy. Wheee.....we suceeded!! thanks to my precious Yong Siblings!!~

after the suprise, we settled with a group picture.

Taken in Bandar Damansara, Kuantan

We had an enjoyable time singing karaoke and having seafood dinner at a restaurant in Jalan Cempaka. We sung from oldies to Malay songs and  Pop songs. After warming up, we could see everyone is fighting for the mic. We conclude our karaoke with 2 group songs. And ended with Amazing Grace half-way, as the shopkeeper off the mic straight away.  On the 1st of Dec, we went to visit baby Ivan and the Ng's.  We cut our December babies cake, celebrating Vendi, Adele and me.  We also have lunch with Uncle Senglai, Marcus and Matthew.  In this few days, Adele has caused me to be addicted to the Neko app on our phones. It is great to be able to share the same love for furry/ fluffy pals, with my 19 year old cousin. No longer a baby  but a young lady. I was actually thinking of what to get for her and then decided on a duo pendrive for her to transfer files to and from her LG handphone. I hope they all have a safe journey home to UK and Singapore. I appreciate them coming down to spend time with my parents. I wish them all the blessings and Love from God. 

Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life