Hoped you recovered sooner (30th Dec 2009)

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

here are no details in life that is too small for God to handle. Neither are there problems too big that his strong arms cannot uphold and save you. Jeremiah 32:17 Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your outstrecthed arm. Nothing is too hard for you.

from the 30th Dec 2009, I was thinking that you were just having a normal fever that need to be meditated by the professionals. When your condition weakeness. I went down all the way to malacca just to give a helping hand with the heart of never knowing that your condition would worsened.

I went down on the 3rd of Jan 2010. I was just quite contented that you were quite well then. Although body temperature states that your fever was as high as 39 then slowly went down to 37. (I feel regretful now for the things i've scolded you about thinking about others. You weren't an easy patient to take care. Although i just started taking care of you that night.) Your hands are already weak that time. You needed me to feed you a bread the first thing when i reached pantai malacca. That time i wasn't aware that you were slowly feeling very weaked in health.
the whole night you were letting me know that you are cold... i remembered seeing you shivering since i met you on the 3rd.

The hospital doctors realized that you could not urine like normal, so decided to do the tube one. and your fever recovered completely. I was thanking God. but then your condition worsened..when you started to have hiccups. I was so worried. You go through so much more than i could imagined =(. I feel for you. Because i know how difficult is it for you. To see yourself in this condition. You were the person who told me...you are very afraid of needles and hospitals.
You have a fear there. They take your blood nearly everyday. Until today in the general hospital they still need to test the blood to find out why is the sickness weakening the body.

I learned to be strong these past few days taking the night shift just to be with you. I remb the time when they transfered you to general hospital, malacca. The first night you were very scary. I was the first time in my life, that i have to go through this together with someone i really love and cared for, that will be part of my life in future. I was really afraid at the same time i was worried for you...

I believe that the Lord was good to me to be able to see you before you health condition gets worsened. I even get to hug you a lot of times...the day before when you still can walk and talk like normal. Doctors still do not know why your body weakeness. ( that i thanked God). I just know that God is working inside somehow...I would have been in RBS mission trip this year. Now I get a clearer picture of things, I wasn't available for RBS 2010 because i have other things to attend to. a BIGGER mission, to take care of you and to minister to the rest of the non-christians in our family. ( remb that time tht i was down because i dint know why i'm not allowed to be in rbs this year?) now i know...everything is under God's control...He knew that things will turn out this way. He gave me the time to take care of you.

God is so wonderful isn't He?( Lord we both thank you.)
on the 4th jan, you weren't allowed to walk...but you were very sad...that i could see...you dint want to believe you dint have the strength to do so. You were just adjusting to the outcome. I'm worried for you...at the same time i was very angry for myself...because I treated you terribly the day before. I was just taken aback...this is one of the biggest test that i ever had with you...i'm glad that you are still praying for me yesterday. I thank God that you are still in the Lord. I'm thankful dear raymond...i really wished that you can get better.

But it seems that God still continue to allow things that we thought we couldn't handle to happen.

1 cor 10:13
New International Version (©1984)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Your sickness have made me draw much closer ties with your parents, your family members and my family members. (this is what i cant wait to let you feel the way it is right now) If you are awake now and recovered and sitting next to me...i believe that you'll be so happy that you future wife is in good terms with your family. =) ) My dearest ...i couldn't wait for your recovery..there are so many things that I havent do with you..., we just had our engagement not long ago. I couldnt help it but to cry..when the doctors say...maybe something wrong with your brain...i pray and hope it isn't.

Everyday is worry some to take care of you...but i've learnt to be a bolder person for you. Learning to take notice...the detailed way to take good care of you can make sure you are resting properly. I was learning to be a very independent person. And to decide for you as well.

I learn to be concerned about others as well. Especially those laying down on the hospital bed. and those who are looking after them.. i sympathize with them and their condition. I thought i cannot handle my feelings. But i've learnt more about myself...i became stronger when i read the scriptures yesterday when I reach home after the night shift.

Jeremiah 32:17 Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your outstrecthed arm. Nothing is too hard for you.

my dearest raymond...i really feel the lost of not being able to talk with you now, the doctors said that you need more detailed care...so they put you into the ICU. You find it hard breathing on the evening 8th Jan 2010. They asked many many questions about you. Everytime I looked at our pictures..I couldn't help but cry to myself. and pray for God for comfort and peace. Sometimes i wondered is it because we had done wrong in somethings of our relationship. Or we've done something that is not God's will. =(

I also learn that you have a lot of people that is so concerned about you. You have a great set of family. Your mother side and your father's side...all came to visit you...in general hospital.
your church members came a few times. Even your boss nancy came to visit you so many times...and gave a love gift of money for your hospital fee. Now we know that she actually cares and concerned about your condition.

Right now I just want to think about good good things ...although i'm tempted to think that you are leaving soon...i wished i will not happen. =( i cant take it...if you do...so please God ...i begged you to give Raymond his life ....

Pray that you'll heal him. God you are the almighty God. Please hear your little child's prayer.
I miss and love raymond so much...i miss his endless phone calls he made.



Living Only for Him and Only He knows my life